The place I've come to love

The mountainous city of Addis Ababa stretches out before me. I sit in a gray airport chair, looking out the window and pondering the things that are now stored up in my heart. So often, even when I'm around people, I find myself simply staring out the window and thinking about all the things I have seen here. Although much of it has been hard, I pray I never forget the things I have experienced because it has changed me and I don't want my life to be spent pursuing selfish gain when there are so many people who need help, hope and love.

I think about Sunday afternoon following an amazing church service we attended- we had gone to the market to go shopping. From the moment we stepped out of our vans we were surrounded by street vendors trying to sell their goods, children trying to sell wooden toothbrushes and people asking for food. We had been told that the only way that they would leave us alone was to say no and walk away. As I crawled back into the van after looking in some of the booths, I couldn't even look at the children knocking on the windows because it hurt too much to see. As I sat there I felt so convicted...is this how Jesus would treat these hurting children? By saying no and walking past them? Somehow I don't think so. I honestly don't know the proper way to respond to the hordes of beggars, but the way I was treating them just didn't seem right. I next day I felt like God was laying one of these children on my heart so I took time to pray for that child and pray that I would know how to treat these people the way Jesus wants me to. Later that afternoon I had a small girl come up to me, putting her hands up to her mouth in a gesture of hunger. I didn't have my bag with me (which I feel made this a lot easier), so I said, “I'm sorry, I don't have anything to give you.” I crouched down and looked into her eyes and continued, “but I do have Jesus. Do you know Jesus?” I can't even explain how my heart cried when she looked at me and said no. Or how helpless I felt because I don't speak any Amharic and have no way to really communicate with her. I simply took her dirty little hand in my own and said, “Jesus loves you.” I may have said other things but I don't really remember any more. I don't know if I will every forget the smile that lit up her hungry little face as I looked back, waved and blew a kiss at her as we pulled away. The picture of this precious little girl standing on the dirty street among other beggars and vendors still makes me cry every time I think about her (which is quite a lot). I just pray that somehow that encounter will help her to know that she is loved. She is one of the reasons I want to come back someday...because she is just one of millions of children here that need to know that they are loved.

That same day we also went to help out at a feeding program. They marched us in and put us right to work. For awhile I folded and stacked ingera- a traditional Ethiopian spongy “bread” that is made out of sour milk and is used for scooping up food. I think it's pretty gross but they seem to like it. After that I went to the window and handed plates with ingera on it to the line of people coming through. Once they get their ingera someone gives them a scoop of sauce and beans and they sit to eat. Between the smell of the food and the odors it was hard to decide if it smelled good or just plain nasty in there. After seeing the spilled food and slop the latter was more accurate. Each day they feed 1,000 people, ranging from children to the elderly, in shifts of 100. Blind, crippled, sick and diseased people all came through the line for food. I tried to smile at them but most of them wouldn't look at you. When they finish eating they come, hand you their bowl and leave so the next group can get their food. If they hadn't finished all their food we dumped it into a bucket on the counter. At first I thought it was going to be thrown away or maybe fed to some animals....but I soon discovered I was wrong. People would come up with plastic bags held out for the slop to be scooped into so they would have something to eat later. I think this was one of the hardest things for me to see there; these people taking scraps of mushy leftover food that in the States we probably wouldn't even feed to our pet. It makes you think twice about saying, “I'm starving” or complaining about our food.

Our last full day in Ethiopia we went to an orphanage. When we first got there one little boy raced up to me and when I held out my arms he jumped into them, wrapped his little legs tightly around my waist, his arms around my neck and nuzzled his face against mine. I carried him around and he showed me things around the yard while still holding tightly to me. Eventually I put him down and sat down to talk to two girls who spoke very good English. One of them told me a little bit of her story and I found myself falling in love with her. When they had to go in for lunch I went upstairs to the baby room. There were many special needs kids. One girl had hydrocephalus and was blind. She is 9 but because she can't sit or really move she just lays in a crib in a room crowded with babies. At one point she began to cry. It was absolutely heartbreaking. We held held her hands and rubbed her head trying to calm her down but I can't even begin to imagine a life like that. Another little girl was missing both legs and one arm. Some of the them were incredibly tiny. There was one little tiny girl who was only 2 weeks old who had been found abandoned and brought to the orphanage. So many sad stories...but even more sad to think of the ones who don't make it to an orphanage. For a long time I held one little guy with huge eyes. It was supposed to be nap time but he was more interested in looking around, pulling my hair and playing. At one point I went to put him in his crib but as soon as I set him down he began to cry. I couldn't stand it so I picked him back up and held him until we had to leave. Even though it was hard to hear their stories, I'm glad these children are being taken care of. I couldn't think of a better way I would have liked to spend my last day in Africa, this place I have come to love, than playing with beautiful children, hearing their stories and holding babies. <3

My Ethiopian Experiences (so far...)

On Wednesday night we arrived in Ethiopia. It was hard for me to leave Uganda because I had fallen in love with the place and the people. Ethiopia is so incredibly different from Uganda that I felt like I was going through culture shock when we got here. While Uganda has warm sunshine, rich red soil and rolling lush green hills, Ethiopia has mountains and wet chilly weather (at least right now because it's their rainy season). The people look completely different and the poverty here is inescapable. I don't know if it's necessarily “poorer” here but the poverty just seems more raw and in your face.

Our first couple days here were spent in Korah, an area about 2 sq. miles right on the edge of the trash dump where 130,000 outcast and shunned people live. We were working alongside Project 61 which is a sponsorship program that rescues kids from the dump and sends them to school. The name comes from Isaiah 61, which if you get a chance you should read. Being there was very overwhelming. I saw, smelled and experienced things that made me feel physically sick at times.The children were dirty and covered in flies. I picked up one little girl and she was so skinny it hardly felt like she weighed anything in my arms. The children here constantly crowd around you begging and asking you for food, money, gum, toys, anything...it's sad and frustrating; frustrating because you look into their hungry little faces and it breaks your heart to say no, yet there are SO many of them and giving them things doesn't really help them...it just teaches them to beg. Being around these children, playing with them, “nursing” them (which for me consisted of neosporin and band-aids), and talking to them was pretty overwhelming and exhausting. 

While we were there we also worked alongside some of the Ethiopian men manually hauling boulders and demolishing an old decrepit building that was made of wooden poles and mud covered in some kind of plaster with a tarp roof. In one day we took the whole thing down so that they could build a new one in its place. I was filthy afterward and had dirt coming out of my nose, eyes and ears from all the dust but it felt really good to work hard and actually see a result at the end. There was also quite a bit of laughter as we worked with those men and tried to communicate. 

One day we went to a hospital right on the edge of Korah that was started 80 years ago for lepers to meet some of the ladies. It was hard to see them because I don't think I've ever seen a disease like this before. In all honesty, it was extremely hard for me to greet them, to touch them, to take their hands that were missing fingers in my own. But I kept thinking about Jesus, touching and healing the lepers in the Bible, and I realized that this is what being the hands of Jesus really looks like. 

In the afternoon we went to the trash dump. I have never seen or smelled anything quite like it. The stench was literally suffocating and vultures swarmed over the landfill... and to think that people live there; you can see the “shelters” and people rummaging among the trash,. It's mind-numbing. But despite all the overwhelming poverty and really hard things I've been experiencing and writing about lately, today I feel hope. It doesn't mean it's less painful to see, but I can feel hope because God is in that place. He has shown me that he's not just in the clean places or places that I deem beautiful, but he is right there amidst the poverty, mud, trash, disease and filth that is everywhere and he has a plan for his people there. There are many, many things that I don't understand and I probably never will...but that's ok because God doesn't ask me to. He doesn't ask me to figure out the world and solve all of its problems. He just asks me to trust him and his plan. He asks me to remain in him and obey him; to look after his people and share his love with others. He is sovereign, he is good and he is doing his work, even in the dump. I think little Jack (who is 9 years old) said it so well when he said that he thinks God wants us to see, smell and experience these things. I think he's right; I think God does want us to see these things so that our hearts may be broken for the things that break his and so that we are motivated to take action. We may be broken but God doesn't leave us broken. He wants to fill us back up with his love, peace, joy and hope so that we can go and share those things with others. The consequences of sin are big, but someday all of this will be gone, all the filth, the disease, the pain...there is hope, and it's our calling to follow God, faithfully sharing the hope of His gospel so that someday when all of this is gone as many of these people as possible are standing with me before His throne.

Visiting Orphans Part 2- Kampala and surrounding villages

After a long bus ride on a VERY crowded bus we got to Kampala around lunch time (on Sunday?) and went to Return Ministries. When we got there children crowded around the bus eager to see us. Return is situated in the slums of Kampala and ministers to the surrounding community. It is run by Pastor Samuel who has such a heart for these people and big visions for this ministry. At least once a week they provide a meal for community children and a safe place to be for a while. We helped feed the hungry children (over 100 of them) bowls of rice and beans. It was sad to see how skinny and hungry many of them were. After we fed them we played with them and held them. It's precious how they crowd around you, hug you and want to be held, but at the same time it breaks your heart because most of them don't get the attention they need at home. I picked up a little girl and started painting nails. Soon she was asleep in my lap and I had a big crowd of children (both boys and girls) who wanted their nails painted bright purple. I had my “assistant,” a sweet little girl named Sarah, hold the bottle of nail polish while I awkwardly tried to paint wiggling little finger nails with my one free hand. We sang, danced, played games and loved on the children for most of the afternoon. It was really good to see the guys in our group interacting with these children. They so desperately need good male role models in their life...even though we couldn't be there long, being picked up, held and played with by these loving, godly guys is so big.

The next day we went back to Return Ministries and went out into the community. We carried heavy sacks of beans and rice flour for many miles in the hot sun as we walked through the community going to houses to give families some food, talk to them and pray for them. I almost feel at a loss for words to describe the tiny houses crowded together, the dirt, the bugs, the listless malnourished children sitting outside, the smell...it's all kind of overwhelming. I just pray that God can expand the small effort we put out to help, that he will continue to use Return Ministries to shine a light in that place and bring people His hope.

Our last few days in Uganda were spent in an extremely rural village a couple hour bus ride from Kampala. How do I describe the 3 classes crammed into 1 small classroom or the hungry look on the childrens' faces as we served them posho (rice flour and water, basically like a drinkable porridge), or how do I describe the malaria outbreak that happened while we were there? It is just so different than anything in the states because people are getting sick and dying from things that either wouldn't happen or are easily and cheaply treatable back home. We worked in the clinic and school, did some construction and visited families in the community. We went to one house where both parents were gone and the older boy was taking care of a very small child who looked very sick. The next house we went to was the home of a Muslim family. We talked with them for a long time then they invited us into their house to pray for them in Jesus' name which was pretty amazing. When we went to leave the man got down on his knees in an expression of thanks (which is almost unheard of because normally only the women do that here). Before we left some of the children danced and sang for us which was amazing. If you haven't heard African children sing or seen them dance you truly are missing out on a piece of life!

The last day we were there we went to an even more remote village. It was a very spiritually dark place. They didn't even tell people we were coming because of all the witchcraft in the area...if they would have known they would have taken children and offered them as sacrifices to “protect” the area. You got the feeling that many of the children hadn't seen many white people. While we were there we all grabbed an old motor oil can and walked a very long way to a “well” to get water. It was a big murky, dirty hole where the cows drink. We filled the cans with filthy water and walked back to the village. I have never seen anything like it...at first it was kind of surprising that they were putting drinking water in old dirty oil cans but when you see the water you realize that's the least of the worries. I honestly couldn't imagine drinking the water but it's all they have. The children have school under the trees. Most of them don't have shoes. There's a “bunkhouse” for children who come a long way to go to school; it is a tiny dark room with a couple mattresses crowded on a dirt floor. We got to play with the children for awhile and when we went to leave some of them clung to my hands and arms not wanting us to leave. It was hard. It's hard to even describe the things I have seen and experienced and felt these past few weeks. I'm describing this poverty because it's real...and I can't just pretend that it doesn't exist. But before we left the children sang a song for us that talked about how although they are poor- no clean water, not enough food, lack of education etc, they are also rich in many things such as joy, faith, trust and love. I feel like this song helps describes many of the experiences I have had here. I have never seen poverty like I have in the past couple weeks, yet these people are so full of joy and love. I feel as if there are many things we can share with each other. We in the states have material wealth that we could easily share to help relieve these people by helping build wells and provide medicine that saves lives. Yet I think we have a lot to learn from these people about trust, joy not based on circumstances and so many of these concepts that they seem to understand in a deeper way than we may ever know. Many things to process and think on...

Visiting Orphans Part 1- Jinja

As I write this I am sitting on another airplane, leaving beautiful Uganda and heading for the unknown of Ethiopia. It was strange being at the Entebbe airport and thinking back on that day so many weeks ago when I first arrived. Everything felt so new and strange and I felt SO foreign then! But now it feels “comfortable” and familiar to me (I can even speak and understand some of the Luganda language!).

As I sit here and try to write about this past week words escape me...I don't know if I can even begin to describe the things I have seen and experienced but I will try. I tearfully left Rafiki and traveled to Jinja with Carolyn and 3 Rafiki children. Upon arriving we talked to multiple people and traveled numerous roads in a torrential downpour trying to find Canaan Children's Home. Finally we found it and I was left to talk to Papa Isaac and play with some of the children while I waited for the VO team to arrive. I played with two little guys who ran around chanting “that's ok, that's ok” and laughing and laughing after they heard me say it when they were too scared to go down a slide (I don't think they understood what it meant because they didn't speak much English)! When the team arrived one of them clung tightly to my neck and wouldn't let go as 30 mzungus poured off the bus. After being essentially by myself for so many weeks it was wonderful to be with a group of people. It is a great group of people that I am very blessed to serve with. We spent a couple days at Canaan ministering to the children there. These children are so different from the Rafiki children in their clean uniforms and orderly cottages. They are dirty and live crowded into bunkhouses with many other children. They bathe outside in the open then put on dirty clothes that smell of urine but they are so precious. They are starved for attention, which we gladly gave. At times my arms were shaking from lugging around children but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Every single day we were there I had a child curl up in my lap and fall asleep in my arms. One night I went and tucked a sleeping child into her bunk and it broke my heart to put her down, not sure when (if ever) another person would hold her until she went to sleep and tuck her in. It was hard leaving the children there but that is when you just have to trust that God was there before we got there, he cares about these children, has a plan for them and will continue His work after we leave.

On one of our days in Jinja some of us spent a couple hours at Sangolo Babies- a home with 15 babies run by a couple who care for these children and literally trust God every single day to provide for their day to day needs. When we stepped off the bus D met us with a baby in her arms asking, “who wants a baby?!” Everyone's arms went out and we went inside where she pretty much passed out babies until we each had one. The baby I had was named Grace. She was 18 months but literally looked maybe 6 or 7 because of malnutrition before she came to the home. Another baby had HIV and it was heartbreaking to see him lying sick in his bed. We held them until they fell asleep then put them down for their naps and talked to the couple. They are living in a tiny house with no running water and a leaky roof. When it rains there is one corner of the house where they all crowd to escape from the water, but despite their circumstances they have so much joy and trust in God. We brought them formula and diapers and when we gave it to them she started to cry because the day before it had rained so most of their cloth diapers had gotten wet and were still drying. Then she pointed to a small table where a tiny can of formula sat and said that was their last can of formula they had left. I realized there are so many things I take for granted (food, water, a toilet, a good roof over my head, etc) that other people work hard for and trust God for every single day. They are trying to move to another house that is bigger and has running water because the government doesn't approve of their current house. They also want a place where the babies can be outside because where they are now isn't fenced and children being taken for child sacrifices is common. The new house would cost about $250 a month which seems like nothing to many of us, but to them is far above what they make. 

I am still thinking on all of these things. I feel as if my body and mind have been completely overloaded and is in overdrive trying to process everything and figure out what I can do to help. I am going to post this while I have internet and try to post about our experiences in Kampala next.

Saying goodbye

I feel as if my heart is breaking. I have had the most wonderful last week here at Rafiki but it has been so bittersweet because I knew it was the end. Today I had to say goodbye to all the beautiful people and precious children that I have come to know and love over the past 5 weeks. There have been times that being here has been hard and times when I felt discouraged, but when I think back on it, it's hard to even remember those things because there were so many wonderful moments that shine so brightly in my memory.

 The beginning of this week started off with a tea party for some of the girls at Patti's house (she is one of the full-time missionaries here). It was definitely not a very “refined” party by any means, but it was so much fun. By the end the girls had probably consumed gallons of tea and platter after platter of sandwiches and biscuits (you would not believe how much these girls can eat!). We played games, showed pictures, got the girls telling stories, talked and laughed.

The next day I got to “play Maama” to some of the girls when their Maama had a dental emergency. As I walked to their cottage I was feeling a little nervous because it was a group of girls that I hadn't really connected with, but I prayed and God totally answered my prayers in ways beyond what I could have imagined. We had such a fun time playing games, putting together puzzles, telling stories, going for a walk, exploring their garden, playing volleyball until it started raining again then running for cover under the gazebo where we took pictures, sang songs and laughed hysterically. After lunch I tucked them in for their naps and waited for their Maama to come home. It was such a special bonding time and I will cherish those special memories for a long time.

On Wednesday we took a couple of the older girls into Kampala for a girl's day of shopping and errands. We were probably quite the sight: 2 mzungus and 3 teenage girls laughing and carrying on pretty much everywhere we went! I must say it was pretty entertaining to take these village girls to the city but so much fun! They “helped” me pick out gifts for people...some of which had to be vetoed (if I had listened to them my brother would be receiving a hideous spotted cow skin wallet lol).

My final day here was spent helping harvest mangoes, avocados, beans, banana leaves and matoke, adventuring through the bush for firewood with some of the girls (which seriously was kinda creepy because of bugs, snakes, thorns and how dark it is...but still fun!), trying some very strange fruits and berries (some were good and some were NOT! Fortunately I haven't gotten sick from them yet!), then going back to take care of the food we had collected. It was neat to see how they do these things in the village and there was much laughter involved. As we were headed to the bush one of the Maamas asked in a shocked tone, “you're going too?!” I think they were a little surprised at the things I'm willing to try. 

The whole day was so wonderful as I was able to adventure and experience, hold and play with children and just spend time being with and learning from these people that I love. I will miss them so very much. I will miss the cottage 12 boys clamoring to hold my hand, carry my bag and tell me stories. I will miss playing games, answering questions about why “my eyes are so blue and how my skin got to be apricot colored” and laughing with my cottage 9 boys. I will miss playing volleyball and going “adventuring” with my cottage 3 girls. I will miss the hugs and sweet way the cottage 2 girls come to say hello to me and sit near me. I will miss everything about cottage 4: their Maama, the many afternoons spent weaving, playing games, singing songs, telling stories, walking, laughing, taking pictures and just being together. I have come to love this place and these people. I will miss it here so much, but I am incredibly thankful for the time I had here and the many things I learned. I am truly blessed. Although it's sad to leave, I know that God has other things to teach me and I am excited to meet up with the Visiting Orphans team, see more of Africa and see what the next couple weeks hold.

The School Holiday

Wow, it is hard to believe that I have already been here over a month. In some ways the time has flown by, yet at the same time so much has happened it almost feels as if I have been here forever! This week one of the special holiday activities we did for the younger kids was giving them a 200 shilling coin (about/less than 10 cents) and taking them to Kavumba- maybe a 20 minute walk with the children- to buy a sweetie. On the first day I took a group of really little boys (4 and 6 year olds). Gideon, who is a veeeery slow walker, wasn't sure at first about making the short trek but the prospect of getting a candy was motivating so off we went. Little Peter said, “I am going to take teacher and quarta (hold) her hand.” And he did just that without letting go the whole time except to buy and eat his sweetie, so cute! When we got there one of the boys went up to the stand and said, “I would like soda.” I tried explaining that you couldn't get soda with a coin and he was very perturbed because he wanted to try soda! He had to settle for a “bisquit” instead. Later when asked what he got he just said, “a coin.” And if you asked what he got with the coin he would say “nothing” at first and finally consent that he had “one bisquit” (even though it was actually 4 in 1 package!). When we were almost back to the Rafiki village Gideon ran up, grabbed my free hand and said, “I made it! Now I'm going to go 9 more times!” 

M. Martha, Benon, Jereome, Gideon, Timothy, Joshua, Peter, Isaac & Simon

 <--This was taken a couple weeks ago after the May birthday party but these are the first boys I took to Kavumba when their Maama was on holiday.

--> Really not a great picture but this is Isaac (back), Joshua (middle) and Peter (right). 

 The next day I took a group of girls to Kavumba. They all put on matching caps that had been given to them by a sponsor and when we got back it turned into a game of “who is under the hat?” You could barely see their little faces under their hats so I would feel the top of their head and of course ask if it was 2 or 3 of the other girls until I “guessed” the right one. They thought this was hilarious and soon they were crowded around laughing and shrieking, “guess me next!” They would look up, say “guess me!” then pull their hat over their face for me to try and “guess” who it was. These kids seriously crack me up all the time! The other morning I was reading to some of the 4 year olds and I kept coming across books that had seagulls in them. Every time I said “seagull” Joshua would pipe up and say, “No-o. Teacher it is not seagull.” Then he'd shake his little head and continue in all seriousness, “it is eagle!” No matter how many times I tried to explain that they are two different birds he would still shake his head every time I read seagull and inform me that I was saying it wrong! So funny!

<3 These are some of my precious "hat" girls. <3

Last night I was “playing” volleyball with a few of the younger girls here. I showed Mercy how to pass and serve (for being 4 years old she was surprisingly good!). I would throw the ball, she would swing with all she was worth then just burst into a fit of shrieks and laughter. Every time she hit the ball she would jump up and down, grab my hands, hug me and scream. The ball didn't go over the net much with these small girls but it was much better than playing a real game! At one point I look over and Mercy has a little rubber ball that she is trying to practice serving with. She would hold it with one hand, get ready, then swing so hard that her little feet would shoot out from under her and she would fall over sideways! It was hilarious to watch.

Playing Volleyball

We also had a “pajama party” for some of the girls in the volleyball picture. I'm still tired from it! Haha It was so much fun though to see the girls dance, sing, laugh, eat and play charades. I am continually blessed by these people and their joyful attitudes. Some of the people here have been teaching me how to speak some Luganda. When I greeted my friend the other day in Luganda she gave me one of the hugest hugs I've ever received because she was so touched that I was learning their language. This is what kind of attitude they have- they are so grateful for a small thing like someone “trying” to learn their language. The longer I'm here the more I see that it's not about “fixing” or even really “helping” people as much as coming along side them, learning from and with them, experiencing life with them and loving them. I am so thankful for the amazing experience of being in this place with these wonderful people.

Just a few pictures from my week...

 This past week we worked on a special holiday project with P6- making a newspaper! It was a lot of work, but also a lot of fun as we showed the children how to use a computer and type their work. It was so new to them but they loved it and did very well.

Here is one of the taxis that takes the children to church on Sunday. This morning I crowded into a taxi with 22 little boys and headed to church in Wakiso! I loved the running commentary that Moses gave me along the way. "Look, look there's a pig! Now we're going up, and now we're going down. Did you see that baby farmer? I didn't know such little boys could watch cows, did you?!!" :)

This is inside the church where we worshiped this morning. The floor is uneven dirt and rocks. It's big but there are no windows or doors and not enough chairs so people crowd onto these rickety benches that feel as if they may be about to fall apart (but this is considered very nice compared to many churches here). As I worshiped with these people and witnessed the love they have for the Lord, it was a very good reminder to me that the church is not a building but the people and that being "rich" is not defined by material possessions.